Sunday, March 1, 2009

I had an epiphany ...

After another adoption opportunity not happening for us I decided to let the emotions come. I don't like to cry or feel pain/vulnerability. I tend to mask them & have created many brick wall fortresses over the past 9 years. That has not been the most healthy option for me or those around me. Sorry everyone :)
I spent 3 days grieving, crying & feeling the depth of pain that comes with all that has happened. It was amazing I feel great now. I'm actually happy again. Why didn't I do this before!!! It was quite liberating. We will be blessed with children at some point in our lives. That however does not mean I don't have the right to grieve that it has not happened yet. For now we will continue to live our lives & enjoy what we do have.

14 comments:

Gpa Sheen said...

Thank you for getting "healthier!"

Amanda said...

That is such a wonderful outlook:) I am glad to hear you are finding a healthy way to deal with the pain. I can only imagine what you guys are going through.

Kim said...

Chris,

Crying is healthy. Everyone deals with pain and suffering differently, as long as you deal with it your way, I think you'll be ok!
Sorry, that it is such a rocky road for you right now!

DeeAnn said...

Crying is so cathartic! Waiting for a baby is SO hard. It will happen. We are trying to adopt, too, but not through LDS SS. Call me or email me sometime if you want to chat about it.

Melissa said...

I am glad you are feeling better. And I really believe you will be a mom soon. But you need to remember, you can be a mom to those whom don't have "great" mothers (especially in your calling). I hope that makes sense. Love ya...Melissa

Verity said...

Thanks for sharing this, Chris. I'm glad you're feeling good! We're thinking of you guys!

The Mursets said...

I am so sorry that it didn't work out. You two will be the most amazing parents some day. I am glad you are letting your feelings out. Hang in there!

Handsome Rob said...

Crying is ok, even for big sisters. Especially for big sisters, actually. See, if you cry, then I dont have to, and I can be the tough little brother. Or something like that. We love you, and always are praying for you. We're also grateful for your examples to us. :o) Okay, enough mushy stuff, when are we doing a double date again?

Kristin said...

I am sorry to hear about the adoption. I think that it is healthy to cry and always feel better after a good cry and sobbing session. I am glad that it was therapeutic for you.

Anonymous said...

I love you.....the cry was well deserved!

Natalie said...

I was so sad when I found out the news, I'm so sorry!!! I know things will work out and you will be such amazing parents!!! You are always in my prayers, I love you!

Molly said...

You absolutely have the right to grieve, and the strongest people are strong because they let it out and get help from others. And yes, crying is a huge release. I'm not big on it, but once a month, I just let 'er rip.

You are an amazing person and God has plans for you that match. His timing is always great, but it doesn't mean that it doesn't totally suck sometimes.

Love you!

Amy said...

I am glad you gave yourself a chance to cry. And it is totally normal if you have a number of days still to come. We love you guys and are praying for you!

Paige and Family said...

It will happen, and when it does, you guys will be amazing parents!!